That is the question.
There’s three types of glasses-wearing female.
The first one is the lady of a certain age that hasn’t realised that it’s not still 1965, and still wears the mahoosive beauties that were so popular at the time. Even better if there’s some sort of pinkish tint on the lens to add to the look.
The second one is anyone who’s realised that wearing glasses can be a fashion statement and takes notice of the ‘should have gone to…’ adverts. These are the average, everyday types.
Then there’s the third one. This is the character in the movies that invariably sits behind a desk with severe black rims and her hair pulled into a classy up do. She then whips off said glasses and shakes her hair whilst taking out the one improbable pin that was holding the whole lot together. I call her the sexy secretary.
I of course, come under the third category. Ha!
Now for the truth. I have needed to wear glasses since the age of four, so for as long as I can remember there has been some form of eyewear perched on my nose. My Little Pony featured strongly in the formative years. Well, I am an 80′s child!
I looked into laser eye surgery a few years back, and they were perfectly happy to relieve me of my hard-earned dosh the next day but for one slightly pertinent point: They wouldn’t be able to correct the major flaw that has been plaguing my existence from the word go: I see two of everything.
Double vision is no walk in the park you know….Yes, there are upsides to it:
Two George Clooneys. Two ginger nut cupcakes. Two ten pound notes. (You can see how this works)… What’s not so fun is the fact that when I reach for the second tenner, there’s still only one in real life.
The disappointment is like finding a scratchcard that’s won twenty quid, then noticing out the expiry date was last week. Or seeing a hot bloke the other side of the bar then watching him turn round and talk to his equally hot boyfriend.
So here I am, desperately wanting to rid myself of one of the biggest aspects of my appearance; shedding the speccy-four-eyes look forevermore, then being let down by my dubious ability to see the best (twice) in people!
Armed with this slightly depressing news, what course of action do I decide to take? Yep, that’s right…going on nights out ‘sans spectacles’. This can only lead to terrible errors in my normal powers of judgement. Coupled with the addition of a drop or two of pink fizz, my pretty blind outlook on life is enhanced by everything in glorious, (if fuzzy) Technicolor x 2.
If your eyes are the windows to your soul, then glasses are the maximum security prison doors. When wearing mine in bars and clubs, I’ve found I’m as good as invisible. It seems people can overlook one part of an appearance, but whack two of them together then its Harry Potter’s Cloak for me. If you haven’t read the books or at least seen the films, then shame on you!
I’ve no idea why this is the case; all I know is that the countless times I have performed this test, the results are continually startling. I’ve been told it’s simply down to confidence and to a certain extent I’m sure they’re right, especially as these days my eyesight has deteriorated to the point where it’s almost impossible to go out without making a tit of myself at some point during the evening!
So I wish I was really in the sexy secretary catagory…then the world would see through the glass and perhaps I would move in slow motion when taking off my glasses and letting my hair down….(Even at night…just in case there was a camera crew hanging around!) It would be cracking to actually see the yummy blokes in the bars, and to have a chance of knowing if one was trying to talk to me!
I’m sure that what will actually happen, is that I shall continue to stumble about in a myopic manner til I’m old enough to turn into the 60′s woman wearing gorgeously unfashionable specs….maybe even My Little Pony might make a comeback? Or maybe not!
Fatty Blob Head